Dear Fellow Christians,

This is the most difficult piece of writing I have ever done.

Difficult because it is heart breaking to me, to my loved ones, and to my family of faith in my local Southern Baptist church. Pastoral abuse is something I never, ever imagined I would experience. However, because of the pain inflicted upon me and others in my church, I have been slow to pick up my pen and write.

However, I feel a constant tugging at my mind and heart that urges me to share my story with fellow Baptists so that it will prevent future takeovers of churches. I also hope it will protect devoted followers of Christ from the undeserved pain and suffering I and others have endured.

I have proudly worn the banner of Southern Baptist for more than 50 years. My family has strong Southern Baptist roots. My great-grandfather and my grandfather were involved in Southern Baptist churches and associational ministry as lay leaders throughout their lives. My aunt and my father graduated from a Southern Baptist seminary and served until their retirements as an educational minister and a pastor.

Our son graduated in 1998 from the same seminary and is presently serving as pastor of a 200+ member Southern Baptist church. Wherever my husband and I have lived, we have been actively involved in a traditional Southern Baptist church. We have served in many leadership roles, supporting Southern Baptist work with our time, abilities, prayers and finances.

We have been members of our present 2000+ member church for more than 25 years. I have served the Lord in many capacities. When our former pastor announced his retirement plans, our church body elected a Pastor Search Committee. The church elected me to that committee and then the committee elected me chairperson.

The message we were hearing via convention and state news was conservatives vs. moderates & liberals. Many people in our church made it clear that they stood with the conservatives, and they wanted a conservative Southern Baptist pastor. Thus, our search began, and we tried to seek God's will and God's man for our church.

Ten months later, I presented to the church one who had solid Southern Baptist roots. He was a conservative fourth generation pastor. According to his statement, he was not a fundamentalist theologically. He said he was committed to being the pastor of a Great Commission church. He was an eloquent preacher/teacher and most of our members were eager to listen and learn.

During the following year, my father's death and my own health problems precluded me from taking any major leadership roles. Thus, I was not aware of the inner workings of church politics. I had a warm relationship with our new pastor as he frequently called me for advice or help that first year. However, I began to notice this happened less and less, and I assumed he had found other advisors within our church. That was fine with me.

After the pastor had been there three years, some church members were expressing some concern and discontent to me. I kept notes of each person and their concern. When two or three families shared the same concern, I put it on my list. I began to look and listen quietly and became very bothered by what I learned.

It appeared that a takeover had occurred without most people realizing it. Older members and deacons rotated off committees. They were replaced by younger members. Most were hand-picked by the pastor. Our under-40 pastor seemed to surround himself with those of his own generation and those older that gave him 100 percent loyalty.

It became apparent to me that several of the specific items the Pastor Search committee had addressed were not being carried out. Unhappy church members shared these concerns. I made an appointment with our pastor to discuss these concerns in order to hold him accountable.

I thought the meeting went well. The pastor listened to me and made notes. No anger was expressed. I was gentle but firm in what I said. Sometimes he agreed with me, even apologizing for mistakes. At other times he wrote on his note pad without comment. The pastor said at the beginning of the conference, "I want a list of everyone who called or talked to you." At the end he said, "I'll be waiting for that list." I was appalled. Of course, I did not give him a list of names.

That was the beginning of my struggles. Though the pastor pretended to be my friend, the staff ministers suddenly did not speak to me. This was also true of most all those who held leadership positions. In addition, several things happened that caused much dissent among faithful members of our church. These were dictatorial decisions made by the pastor without the church's approval or prior knowledge. I noticed the absence of these faithful ones in worship and became genuinely concerned. In my honesty and naivety, I addressed these in a letter to the pastor and he requested a conference with me. This second conference was two months after the first one.

From the onset I realized this conference was different. He was in control and I felt he intended to intimidate me through his arrogance and dictatorial behavior. Only through the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit was I able to withstand a two-hour confrontation with him regarding worship style, pastoral responsibilities and church polity.

Again I was gentle but firm, reminding him of what we had agreed upon when the church called him to be pastor. Sadly, I saw a man that day I did not know. He said things to me he had never said during the many conversations with the Pastor Search Committee. I left knowing that he had deceived and betrayed us to get the pastorate of our church and perform a takeover.

The next few months, we talked with godly Christians who were hearing about my differences with the pastor. I had not talked openly about these differences because I did not want to be a gossip nor a troublemaker. These church members had known me for many years. The personal attacks the pastor and his leaders launched against me surprised them.

They tried to discredit, discount and withdraw fellowship from me. They brought my physical and emotional state into question. The chair of deacons, a physician, implied that my medication was responsible for my anger. That was their term for my disagreements.

For several months, I did not know what they were saying about me. I just knew how they were treating me. I felt shocked and horrified when, finally, a dear older woman told me the lies and insinuations that certain leaders were spreading. At that point, I decided to answer any questions from concerned church members who approached me regarding the conferences I had with the pastor. When someone like me who has been on the inside breaks the silence and exposes genuine problems, a silencing process follows. I felt the abusive leadership in control carefully orchestrated it.

It has been a difficult year. My husband and I and some of our friends that shared our concerns were removed from our church responsibilities. They did not allow me to teach Sunday School. Remember -- I have taught more than 20 years in this church. Some of our friends for years were afraid to associate with us for fear the same thing would happen to them.

The list goes on. The most blatant and hurtful abuse happened when my husband suffered a heart attack followed by five surgical procedures in the next six months. During his hospitalizations and months of recovery at home, he did not see nor talk to the pastor. It was purposeful and cruel. However, it served to clear our minds because it gave us the undeniable opportunity to sit back and view the pastor as we feel he really is. Real people with real needs are not nearly as important to the spiritual abuser as numbers and programs and money.

As my eyes were opened, I mourned and grieved for the candidate I interviewed while serving on the Pastor Search Committee. I also mourned for the church I had lost under the deceiver's leadership. This, however, was a turning point for me, giving me the desire and the courage to break away from our church. During my husband's illness, many ministers had visited and encouraged us.

As we began to visit other churches, we began to see what we had been missing in fellowship with Christians, through opportunities for service, and, most important, in experiencing true worship. We are being healed, set free, and trusting in God's wonderful grace.

I do not see this abuse as God's perfect will. Nevertheless, he permitted it. Therefore, I am wiser and more ready to help others come to know the gospel of grace than ever before. My prayer is that I will use my story to share God's story as I stand forever covered with his love. (Eph.l:4).

A Devoted Servant
August 2000