RECONCILIATION? ARE WE LIVING IN REALITY?

As I have read numerous Baptist materials from a variety of sources in and out of Texas, I noticed the frequent use of the word “Reconciliation.” It is used as a wish-word for the solution to our denominational controversy. I, too, wish there could be some form of solid reconciliation. But the problem I have in waiting and wishing for reconciliation is that it is not realistic. Let me explain.

When I was a chaplain/therapist for drug and alcohol recovery patients, we identified what we called defense mechanisms. A defense mechanism is what a person uses in order to avoid negative or uncomfortable feelings. These mental blocks, blind spots, or attitudes keep a person from dealing with reality, when the reality is undesirable. We all use some defense mechanisms, such as denial, minimizing, rationalizing, and justifying. But when we use a defense mechanism we are not seeing things the way they are.

For example, a frequent scenario is how the wife of an abusive drug-addicted husband deals with her situation. She might say, “He does not beat me that bad. He is charming when he does not use drugs and we have so many things in common.” She remains in the relationship holding on to the wish that he will quit using drugs, even though the behavioral evidence reveals he is not going to practice responsible recovery any time soon. She lives in an illusion, unconsciously using the defense mechanism of denial to not deal with her reality. She wants the relationship to work so much that she refuses to be aware of her denial.

When I read about reconciliation with controlling fundamentalists, it makes me wonder if we are using this same defense mechanism of denial. The strong desire for the convention to return to the way it was keeps us wishing and waiting, but not dealing with the reality of change that now exists. I was wishing for reconciliation all during the time of pressured retirements and resignations of SBC boards, institutions, and agency leaders. I listened to “peace rhetoric” of the SBC Peace Committee created in 1985, but observed what happened to Keith Parks. I watched when reconciliation was attempted in 1986 when six seminary presidents issued the “Glorieta Statement.” This was followed by pressured retirements and resignations culminated by the firing of Russell Dilday.

Are we choosing to hold on to a “wish” by denying the problem? Living in the land of reality can be a tough choice for some. It means facing uncomfortable feelings and moving through the painstaking process of change. The Southern Baptist Convention is no longer the same. Wishing for reconciliation simply has not worked. The process of change requires us to examine how to be responsible stewards of our convictions and our financial resources. If we as persons and churches face the reality of our situation perhaps we will discover God has something new in mind.

April 1996